Spooky-Butt

Five weeks.  It's very strange, I'm still not sure of how I feel about Tucson but like it or not it's my home for the next two semesters.  The one thing I do know? I miss my darkroom like a son-of-a-bitch.  And sorority girls are supremely annoying, I fail to understand why they have to stay in the dorms and not move into the sorority housing already.  I have learned that depriving me of darkroom results in more frequent whiny moods, I will have to remember this when arranging future living situations.  However, I still get ridiculously excited over languages (thus proving that I am an incurable nerd).

Oh jesus, graduated highschool.  I'm exhausted and exhilarated and omigosh totally don't know what to do now.  I think I'm gonna get out and just not stop driving.  I'm itching so hard for a change of scene right now.  So let's all go out and make the world a less lonely place, hug a stranger (and possible get maced) it'll be great I promise.

Yeah, graduation is just around the corner...and I still don't fucking know where I'm going for college.  Probably U of A.  I have this hand coated emulsion thing I'm working on, it's gonna be a bitch to scan because I'm pretty sure cyanotype doesn't transfer onto the computer to well, thought maybe.  I love pear and lime flavored jelly beans, they are like the ultimate food (but I say this about a lot of food). Oh my lord I have so much I want to get done for my photo class and no time!  Shit! No one said the last three weeks would be STRESSFUL! NNOOO BUUUEEEENNOOO.  Oh yeah hooge essay too.  That would be the main source of my no bueno feelings.  But I did just wake up and am slightly high on vicodin (oh, oral surgery) so that might be why I'm a fucking spazz (thought some may say that is just my default way of being)

...the end is near.  Just finished reading Overqualified by Joey Comeau, and for whatever reason that sentence stuck with me.  Wait, nevermind, it's pretty obvious why it stuck with me.  It completely true.  I'm an not living for today.  And, although the command was never aimed at the reader, I am perhaps a retarded shit (maybe even most of the time) but then everyone has retarded shit moments.  I suppose the style of the book got me thinking, and I felt an immediate pull to just spew all the thoughts out (to a source that almost no-one pays attention to, but I think therein lies the comfort).  

I find myself wondering about other people, a lot.  No one I know personally, just some person I happen to see, someone that catches my eye.  I wonder who they are, and if they are interesting; I get vague urges to go up and make contact with them just for the hell of it.  They are a mystery to me; a person catches my eye, I stare for a while, and then wonder.  

I'm not a talented writer, nor do I have any skill in the craft of creative writing.  I can barely string sentences together, but I have other skills to make up for it and get by.  Despite that, I sometimes find myself making up characters.  Little people that exist for a small time, exclusively in my head, before fading from existence.  I guess I do this because I occasionally get lonely but don't want to seek anyone out to make it better (I feel like everyone does this at one time or another.),  these imaginary people do help, but at the end of the day they are still fake.

Ever get the need to just go on endlessly? Well, that's what happened here.  I don't think any of the feeling I've just expressed are exclusive to me, in fact I like to think everyone feels and does the things I've spoken of.  It's reassuring for moments like this, when my brain is going a mile a minute.

So I totally just got an email from the Corcoran director of admissions saying that my application is being reviewed.  And that I'll get an answer in two weeks at the most!! So I'm basically about to burst from nervousness.  Urgh, well at least I have a photo shoot tomorrow to take my mind off of it.  I suppose at some point I should put some of my new prints up.  But I probably won't get on that for a while, doubt anyone will die so from my laziness so I think its all cool.